Floating Bliss

Jumping off the cliff without hesitation. Full of confidence. Adrenalin surging through my veins in such a high intensity I have never experienced, as though I have injected some artificially directly into my veins.

My smile can not be contained as I come to the realisation that I have completed my life dream: flying as god intended a bird. Flying at 100 miles an hour, wind pressurising my face keeping my hair slicked back. Admiring the view of the forest below, a river in the near distance rapidly approaching. I am not worried, I am nothing but happy. Nothing but ecstatic. High on adrenaline.

I land in the water with ease. Swim to shore, get in a car and drive back up. I have to jump again. I have to feel this feeling once more.

Up in the cliff I jump again without hesitation. I am hooked to this feeling. I have spent my life afraid that I would get addicted to something, I don’t drink coffee, I don’t do drugs, I don’t need alcohol, but I need this. Adrenaline is the most addictive drug.

I land again crashing into the water without a problem. Then there is an issue at the cars, it becomes dark, and I cannot jump again; but that is ok I have tomorrow.

“Are you guyz coming to the farm” the words of my housemate awake me. I look with hollow eyes but do not respond. I begin trying to comprehend where I was, and the feelings induced and slowly come to the sad, sad realisation that it was just a dream.

It was the most vivid dream I can ever remember. The best feeling I have ever felt. Scared of heights as a kid, base jumping is now my number 2 life goal – the first being summit a significant peak on a beautiful mountain.

I see this reality with my eyes, the real world, yet the image of the jump remains in my head: the joy of flying. My body is here but my mind is flying, my heart has been stolen. I go to the toilet, I brush my teeth, but all I see is myself in 3rd person flying. Jumping off the cliff and landing in the river below.

Distracted all day, during every conversation, I don’t want to be here, I want to be base jumping. I want to be in my dream. I long to go back, to feel what I felt. I haven’t been home in 14 months, I am volunteering in Uganda, east Africa, I am living the life, but I wish I was living in my dream.

Addicted to this feeling, I want to go back. Like I have taken a shot of heroin and now I can never return.

I want to go back. I have to go back. I will. This dream must become reality.